ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
