she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
