I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
