How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
