I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
