Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
