well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
