The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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