You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
