I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
