you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
