tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
