Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
