So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
