He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
