he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
