I think im going to throw up on grandma
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
