So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
