# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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