i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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