Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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