The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
