My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
