he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
