im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
