He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
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