i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
