I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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