We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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