So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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