she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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