why didn't you poke me back
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
