we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The power of my boobs compel you
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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