I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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