Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
