Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
