So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
