I hate all girls vehemently.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
