rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
