CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
