i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
