she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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