eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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