It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
