the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
