its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize