kristin has been a bad kristin
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize