Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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