Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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