i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
