She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
