living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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