Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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