Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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