I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
