Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize