At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
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