Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
