One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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