Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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