That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
