I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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