also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
