my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
