And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
