I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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