If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
