I hate your face
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
