All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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