She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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