all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
