I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
