yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
