you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
