Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
